Leave Me to Bleed

You leave me hanging for your touch
The brief moment when blood you sup
As in the pain of love's snug clutch
You fuck me up

In dazed confusion of desire
Agony burns yet still I feed
The masochist will play with fire
Leave me to bleed

The tainted dreams now taste of sin
When love is sweet wine from queen's cup
Then pain will die where love begin
You fuck me up

A lone where none can care or prey
A place in heart where love is freed
In tranquil rage, please go today
Leave me to bleed

© Jem Farmer 2008, all rights reserved.

Shadows of Existence

I dwell in the shadows of existence
Neither living nor dead I be.
The pulse of a heart in resistance
Kept on a brink of sanity.

As I look down into madness
And certain loss of life
The tears that flow with sadness
Cut like a pointless knife.

I yearn to fall into the dark deep
Let go of this dull enigma.
Leave the traces that have made me weep
Lose a label's hopeless stigma.

The razor blade cuts like ice
The veins seep a dark red
This time I did not think twice
I belong with the dead.

© Jem Farmer 2008, all rights reserved.

Dead Ends

The walls of thought are closing in my mind
There is no doorway out that I can find
I'm sealed in confusion like a trapped rat
No light to see as in darkness I'm sat
A dream of freedom brings a false message
I seek the answers, there is no passage
I cry in grief, then in frustration, shout
'Hide! Suicide is the only way out!'

© Jem Farmer 2008, all rights reserved.

Artwork by unknown

A Message to my BiPolar

I accept you are always with me, my 'friend',
It's only Death who can make this all end.
The days you send my soul to living hell
It is me caught in the curse of your spell.

I see the battle rage in flames of hate
As life and Death mark their bids on the slate.
You think to die is to yield to defeat
Come now, 'friend', that is merely your conceit.

They all ask why it is I want to end,
They don't know you, this demon I call 'friend'.
How you rip in me leaving me shattered
The despair of living my soul, battered.

My spirit is strong you will never win
As even in Death I will turn and grin.
The Dark Angel holds me ready to fly
You lose 'friend' now I can reach for the sky.

© Jem Farmer 2008, all rights reserved.

A Message to My BiPolar

I accept you are always with me, my 'friend',
It's only Death who can make this all end.
The days you send my soul to living hell
It is me caught in the curse of your spell.

I see the battle rage in flames of hate
As life and Death mark their bids on the slate.
You think to die is to yield to defeat
Come now, 'friend', that is merely your conceit.

They all ask why it is I want to end,
They don't know you, this demon I call 'friend'.
How you rip in me leaving me shattered
The despair of living my soul, battered.

My spirit is strong you will never win
As even in Death I will turn and grin.
The Dark Angel holds me ready to fly
You lose 'friend' now I can reach for the sky.

© Jem Farmer 2008, all rights reserved.

Prisoner

Outside reality inside my mind
The crowds of wilderness come
Invading, degrading all that is
Nothing matters, there is no calm
Fight for survival its an illusion
I have nothing more to give
The place I desire isn't here
I need to open that door
Just one step and I am free
The bonds of life are killing me
No good byes or loving farewells
Just depart mortality's hades
Lost from living can't see death
Dwelling in limbo is my prison
No release
No reprieve
No parole
Just hell

© Jem Farmer 2008, all rights reserved.

Make It Today

I feel the coldness of your touch linger
Sigh, as again you tease with a finger
I hunger for you dark queen, your realm I seek
Freedom in your shadow from chains so bleak
Hail dark angel, blessed queen, make it today
Slice the scythe goddess and take me your way


© Jem Farmer 2008, all rights reserved.

Leave Me to Bleed

You leave me hanging for your touch
The brief moment when blood you sup
As in the pain of love's snug clutch
You fuck me up

In dazed confusion of desire
Agony burns yet still I feed
The masochist will play with fire
Leave me to bleed

The tainted dreams now taste of sin
When love is sweet wine from queen's cup
Then pain will die where love begin
You fuck me up

A lone where none can care or prey
A place in heart where love is freed
In tranquil rage, please go today
Leave me to bleed

© Jem Farmer 2008, all rights reserved.

Flashback

Another night another flashback
A scream then pain, fear, darkness, alone
Your fist in my face, hands round my neck
Forgiveness I can give you none

You tore into me, taking my soul from me
I could not cry, just wanted to die
You didn’t have the nerve to give me that
Your love nothing but a destroying lie

Now you and your anger are history at last
I have moved on leaving you with your guilt
I feel joy, happiness, needed and loved
A life without you I have built

Yes, I still flashback, not that you will know
I am strong and though your hands did beat
My body and mind, it is once more mine
And that is something you will never defeat

I don’t hate you, I don’t waste the emotion
You are worthless, pathetic, nothing but scum
My revenge if I desired it, is simple, my sons
Nothing like their father have become

They believe in honour, trust, and respect
They believe in truth, they are gentle young men
Your abuse and your violence is history
My sons are the future, a hateful past long behind them.

© Jem Farmer 2008, all rights reserved.

Beautiful Death

The empty gulf is left by broken dreams
The heart will beat without a cause to care
Despair incites the wrath to flow in streams
In blackest waters hatred makes its lair.

The mind awaits the beautiful demise
That blades of death will bring at setting sun.
The bluest flames of hell make no goodbyes
As eyes once bright the blackened soul will shun.

At last, my psyche is free, outside my head
 A welcome peace discharges from life...  I'm dead.

© Jem Farmer 2008, all rights reserved.

A Lonely Bell

A lonely bell will chime out today
It sings a saddened air
As death, a soul has claimed her way
No tears are shed to care

The silent whispers pry inside
Yet more deceit and hate
The false desires were her bride
That lay in fear to wait

A lonely bell will chime out today
It sings a saddened air
As death, a soul has claimed her way
No tears are shed to care

No thought nor want offered or took
Her heart lay used by love
The promise left in open book
Again no truth thereof

A lonely bell will chime out today
It sings a saddened air
As death, a soul has claimed her way
No tears are shed to care

Abused by those who swear of grace
In words that bear no hope
All meaningless the lies of face
Just pain at end of rope

A lonely bell will chime out today
It sings a saddened air
As death, a soul has claimed her way
No tears are shed to care

© Jem Farmer 2008, all rights reserved.

Crying From Behind the Wall

Can you see a wall in front of me?
That holds me tight never to be free.
A world in seclusion
It is no illusion
That wall will remain inside of me.

No bricks just pain and torture inside
In this dark place, I have to reside.
No freedom, no release
It will never decrease.
Ripped in half, sanity is denied.

Fear of happiness being a sign
That my mind is about to decline
To pits of regression
That is my depression
Often of life, I want to resign.

Bi polar the label, marks my soul
It’s only the drugs that make me whole
Lithium the answer
Like morphine to cancer
It is just a way of pain control.

Release me from this hell, let me fall
I’m tired of my life behind this wall
Always lost and alone
All my dreams come undone
One day I will be free of it all.

© Jem Farmer 2008, all rights reserved.

Leave Me Alone

Some days I get so angry with you, just let me be.
Those days I don’t thank you for not letting me die.
I just wanted to let go, from this hell be free.
Now it’s a struggle, a daily fight to get by.

You know my reasons, you say you understand.
How can you? How can you understand the black
inside me? I feel your hurt when I push away your hand,
each and every time my mind goes to a flashback.

I never know what each day will bring when I wake.
Will it be OK or will the memories sear through my mind.
Thanks to you I have no choice but to live with the heart ache,
What gives you the right to interfere? Do you think it kind?

Why did you stop me that night?
It could all be over now, no more battles to fight.

© Jem Farmer 2008, all rights reserved.

Wilted Roses (Version 2)

Worn are the faces of aged stone graves
Sun, wind and rain have beaten all to dust.
Words lost to time in twilight’s damask waves.
The unused gateway gathers shards of rust.

Once vibrant petals are withered and dry
Left once, now n act of remembrance lost.
Wilted roses remain alone, left to die
And weigh the invisible spirit cost.

Silent the sleepers in the church’s yard,
Undisturbed by the passers by now.
Forgotten faces from when times were hard
Reading and writing, most didn’t know how.

So many forgotten over passing years,
Did anyone once stand by shedding lost tears?

© Jem Farmer 2008, all rights reserved.

Spiralling Dreams

Images

colliding,

twisting,

turning.

Mentality

shredding,

failing,

falling.

Thoughts

escape,

there is none.

Nightmares the haunting reality.

© Jem Farmer 2008, all rights reserved.

Stop

Jumbled together
a mass of nothing
Confused ramblings
from a broken brain.
Looking for beauty
in a world of barbed wire
Stop the world now
I want off

© Jem Farmer 2008, all rights reserved.

Living In Hell

No warning,



just attack my senses.



Anger and rage,



why does it haunt me?



Empty shell,



nothing left inside to hurt.



Nowhere to run



I can't hide from my mind.



Emotionally dead



bloody hell I wish I was too.

© Jem Farmer 2008, all rights reserved.